Tales of People Dying pt. 12: The Shitty Birthday Present Prank

“He got me a fucking Celine Dion cd. Told me we are so in love and that she’s all about love so it is the perfect gift.”

“Eww, what’d you say?”

“I didn’t say shit. I set it down, smiled and carried on with my business. He stood there like a lump for a few minutes then went back to watching Game of Thrones or some shit.”

“What a fucking retard.”

“I got him back though.”

“Oh really? What’d you do?”

“You wanna see?”

“Do dicks taste like burritos?”


“Sorry, I’m trying out new sayings. Yes I want to see.”

The two girls venture outside to a storage shed of sorts that resides behind the house they currently occupy. Inside the shed is dark and a muffled, desperate cry can be heard emanating from the far left corner. A light is turned on and revealed is a male tied to a chair with a pillowcase covering his head.

“I kidnapped his fucking arse, ” says Kara trying to speak in a British accent.

Jen leans in close to Kara and whispers, “Is this for real?”

“As real as sliced bread.”

“What are you doing? This is insane.”

“I’m going to torture him,” Kara says in a maniacal manner.

A muffled “Hello” emits from the corner.

“This is illegal,” says Jen.

“Illegal…ha…this is fun. Besides he deserves it.”

“What for? Watching Game of Thrones?”

“I’m going to start.”

Kara approaches the male. He is shirtless. Kara grabs a tub of petroleum jelly and rubs it onto the male’s chest.

“What are you doing?” asks Jen.


“No. What are you doing?”

“Winging it.”

Kara reveals a battery that has a set of jumper cables connected. Jen steps closer and notices the male’s feet submerged in a bucket of water. 

“Here we go,” Kara says as she tests the electric flow through the cables and creating sparks.

She stands in front of the male and touches his chest with each end sending an electric current through the male causing him to seize and kicking forward turning over the bucket.

Kara pulls the cables away and looks at Jen.

“Can you be a doll and fill that up for me?”

“I really don’t want to be involved.”

“Don’t be a bitch Jen.”

Jen mumbles something but grabs the metal bucket and takes it to a hose. Fills the bucket and brings it back to Kara.

“I’m not being a bitch. I’m so out of here.”


Jen walks past Kara and not paying attention trips on the jumper cables pulling them from Kara’s hands. Jen tries to catch her balance but loses it falling forward onto the metal bucket. Her left arm landing inside it. Inside the metal bucket that the jumper cables had also fallen into. 

Jen lay violently twitching on the floor of the shed. Kara watched in an enthusiastic fascination. 

Kara, then realizing the outcome that may arise, she runs to the battery disconnecting the cables.

She leans over Jen. Seeing no breathing she searches for a pulse. None can be found. 

Kara looks at the male. 

“Well…what now?”