Sinking Ships and Whatnot

You look like the kind of girl that has traveled the seas.

What does that mean?

You look as though you’ve collected a lot of booty.

Are you saying my ass is fat?

I’m saying you’ve collected a lot of booty. If you take that to mean your ass, then that’s what it shall mean to you.

I don’t need you speaking in riddles.

Shall I exacerbate it in paragraphs?

Speaking fucking english please.

You’re the one that wanted these muffins.

Muffins. Not witchy speak.

Muffins tickle my brain’s wit.

Well, stop. It’s fucking annoying.

Why? So we can talk about purses and who has the bigger penis? Milo Ventimiglia or Ben Affleck?

Who the fuck is Milo Ventimigigilia?

He was on that show where people were superheroes or some shit.

Had that little asian dude.


Is that racist?


I called him little, you know…

Know what?

Asians have little penises.

So you do want to talk about penises?

Not really, just asking. Don’t want to go into an hour long conversation about them.

I don’t know.

Isn’t that what you’ve heard?

I’ve heard a lot, mostly bullshit. I can’t say yes or no until I’ve seen at least fifty asian dicks. If ninety percent are small, then yeah, the majority have small penises.

Can we please stop talking about penises?

It’s just the sign of the times.

What does that mean?

We don’t really know anything.

Are you trying to relate penis size to the meaning of life?

I’m doing no such thing. I’m merely commenting on the state of the adolescent mind.

You are confusing the hell out of me.

That is far from intentional.


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