My Throat Hurts

It was four days ago that I saw that penis walking around holding a bottle of Dimetapp. I approached it and asked it for a swallow. He didn’t give me one and walked off. Later on that day I said to a bum, “Don’t you have a pot to piss in?” He handed me four pennies.

“That’s my life savings. I give them to you with the respect and knowledge and the hope you’ll keep them with you wherever you go.”

So I took the the pennies and gave his squirrel a high-five and a cigarette.

“A lighter would be exquisite,” said the squirrel.

I lit his cigarette and walked off. I continued walking ’til I reached a dead end in the middle of town. An ogre popped out of the woods and said:

“You pass if you give me a gift.”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a ball of lint.

“Merry Christmas,” I told him and walked off.

I entered the woods and walked a mile. When I came to a four-way intersection I stopped. I turned to the right and saw Michael J. Fox sitting on the ground with a white mouse in his hand.

“Hello, I’m Stuart Little,” said Michael J. Fox.

“How are you?” I asked.

“A little shaken, but not stirred.”

At that moment James Bond appeared out of the brush. He swiped the white mouse out of Michael J. Fox’s hand and popped him in his mouth. Michael J. Fox stood and yelled:

“Why did you eat Stuart?”

“He was shaken…not stirred.”

I turned to look at Bond. He began a slow trot in my direction; so I ran off. He followed me a little of the way until a spaceship came and took him away. I then exited the woods and was attacked by Iggy Pop; who then stole my four cents. He then ran into the street, got hit by a car and died.

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